Verushka's+short+story

Verushka Bedi. media type="custom" key="2995886" __**Vindication.**__ In my world everything is black or white, up or down, left or right. I really don’t get to have choices or options. Everything was set in stone from the day I was born. I knew where I was headed ever since I was a little boy, and I’ve spent the years that have passed trying to keep up with the life that was already made for me. But today, I was forced to choose between two things. Two very big risks that will both result in hurting the people I care for. And will also hurt the only person in this situation I’m not really worried about. Myself. I pull out the cold gun and point it towards my target. * * * I live in a scary world; scarier than I ever thought existed in my short nineteen years of life. Not only does my world threaten my existence every single day, but my family’s also. You see, I was born in the middle of one of the most dangerous cities in the world. The crime rate here was so high that while you tried to read the statistics, someone could beat, mug, or rape you, and you wouldn’t even have time to react. So far I’ve prevented anything from happening to me, my mother, or my sister but I don’t know how long that will last. We have been fine for this long only because of my affiliation or should I rather say membership in one of the biggest most dangerous gangs around. They make you a deal. If you stay loyal to them and do anything they ask of you, they will protect you, and your family. And if there is one thing I want out of my stupid, worthless life, it is to protect my family. I had joined the gang about a year and a half ago when my mother, Selma came home with a broken nose, gashes and cuts all over her body. She had been raped and mugged, by one of the gang members. That was how they attracted or shall I saw forced young guys like us into joining. And ever since then I’ve hated and been disgusted with myself, because I promised not just me but my whole family that I would never have anything to do with that stuff, but they got me too, just like they had gotten my father. My father died when I was about fourteen years old in a pot bust. He was shot. I still don’t know up to this day who killed him. But I hated him my whole entire life until I had to join. I realized what kind of sacrifices he made to protect us. It was hard on all of us after he died, except for my sister Julia. She was far too young to really feel the loss that both my mother and I felt everyday. She was only three when he died, but that still didn’t prevent her from asking questions. Uncomfortable questions that I didn’t want to answer. Ever since then, I’ve been at the gang’s beck and call. You aren’t really allowed to say no, so even if its four in the morning or your mother’s in the hospital, you have to go. My mother never questioned me when I left the house at strange times or came home with bruises and cuts over my face. She knew what I was doing, and was okay with it. The only time she did acknowledge it was when she brought me an icepack or a cloth to wipe the blood dripping from my face, and every time she left the room she would ‘I’m sorry’. And no matter how much I wanted to be angry with her it dissolved away after those words were spoken and I would go right back the next night to get battered and bruised for them. Protection wasn’t the only reasons I was in the gang. Money, you received a lot of money for the jobs you did and if you did them right. So far, I hadn’t missed a paycheck. Most of my money went to Julia’s diabetes expenses. Yes, she had diabetes ever since she was born. She inherited that from my bastard of a father. He managed to ruin all our lives in some way. And now I was following in his footsteps. But I had always made sure Julia had the best care for her disease. I took her to the best and most expensive doctors, and bought her all the high end technology, and medication even with all my mother’s protests about the matter. She was all for buying Julia the adequate stuff, but I wouldn’t have it. I guess that was the only thing I could give her. You might question me for not leaving this gang business once I had enough money, but I didn’t have a choice. If I did try to leave, they would find me and kill my whole family, and I just couldn’t take that risk. And I thought only that as scrambled down the steps of the small, shabby looking house. The wooden steps creaked under my feet, and I slowly walked down the small path, towards my car. I stopped at our blue and white mailbox, and took a deep breath as I studied it. It was leaning to the side unsteadily, and I pushed it in so it looked straight and remotely presentable. That morning I tried cleaning it so it wasn’t so rusty looking. I realized that the jittery feeling that coursed through my veins was fear. I laughed out loud, as my skinny legs shook. It was strange to feel anything other than regret, and self loathing. And the irony of it all. The day before I joined the gang was the last day I felt fear and everything after that was numbness. Today felt like an awakening, and the fear shot back like a long lost friend. I took another step, and heard the chiming voice behind me. “Ben! Ben!” Julia hollered behind me. My heart tightened as I took a deep breath, and forced a smile to come out of my robotic face. “Benjamin Trae Turner!” she addressed me by my full name when I still didn’t respond. She managed to make her voice sound a lot older than she was. I closed my eyes for a nanosecond before turning slightly on my heel, and walked towards her. Her face looked like one made by a Victorian artist as the face of an angel. She had curly blonde hair-the only other thing she inherited from my father, besides the diabetes- but she always wanted the raven hair that my mother and I shared. She was very frail and slight as she walked down the stairs and reached me at the bottom. She was wearing a white dress, and held the big bear that I bought for her the day before, when we had gone to the carnival. I had to buy it because I couldn’t knock all the cans down. “What’s wrong Jules? I told you I was going out.” I said slowly to prevent my voice from shaking. //And maybe never coming back,// I added in my head. “Where are you going?” her voice returned to its childlike innocence. Her candy floss hair shook messily behind her. The constant beeping of the diabetes machine which counted her blood sugar was wrapped securely around her wrist, and distracted me for a second before I replied. It beeped a lot faster and louder when she needed to raise or lower it. “I’m going out with Seth, and Will.” I replied, which was true. I never lied to her, but I never told her //everything//. She raised her hands ordering me to pick her up. I sighed but did what she asked; she liked to look me in the eye when she spoke to me. I hardly felt her weight, but her scent almost knocked me down. She smelled like nothing I had ever come across. Something between lilac, honeysuckle, sunflowers, and the sky radiated from her skin and hair. If the sky did have a scent it would smell like her. “When you gonna coming back?” she said in the slight New Yorkers accent she had. “I don’t know, but why don’t you go back in and play with Carol?” I said, trying to persuade her to go back to our babysitter. She made a face at me which made me chuckle. Carol was sixteen, and the biggest flirt in town. Her new target was me. Carol came outside in clothes so small; they would fit my eight year old baby sister. I set Julia back down. “Julia baby, why don’t you come back in-“Carol stopped when she saw me. “Oh, your still here. Did you decide to stay, because I don’t have to go you know? We can watch a movie or somethin; I have a couple with me.” She smiled at me seductively, and pushed her chest out. My eyes stayed on her face, and then went to Julia’s. She was looking at Carol pitifully; as if she had witnessed me do this many times. “That sounds great Carol, but I’m still going out. Maybe another-“I stopped myself before I made promises I couldn’t keep. “Love ya, Jules, see ya Carol. Have fun.” I turned around again, ignoring Carol’s visible disappointment, my face returning to its usual countenance. I heard Jules saying something comforting to Carol, and they walked back inside. It sounded something like ‘don’t take it personally; I don’t think he likes girls yet’. I laughed and Jules’ words. It was exactly like her, to make someone feel better, just the way they wanted. A cloud of sadness overtook me again, as I got into the used Camry that belonged to my father. I never bothered to buy new stuff like a car, and I don’t know why. It just seemed like there was no point. I realized that I didn’t say ‘I love you’, but ‘love ya’ to Jules, something about the two just wasn’t the same. I was close to going back to the house, but I changed my mind. //Like a Band-Aid like a Band-Aid//, I kept chanting in my hand. The faster I did this, the less painful it would be. As I sat on the seat, the cold gun pushed against the scar I received from getting stabbed one night, half a year ago. I slowly pushed it lower. Chills ran up my spine, not caused from the temperature of the weapon. It brought me back to reality, and to what was going to occur on this cool April Sunday. I wore looser jeans than I normally would to prevent the bulge of cash that lay in the envelope- in my backside pocket, along with the explanation of what I was about to do-, from showing. The envelope wasn’t sealed since I would receive more money, after the job was done. Each note in the stack was a thousand, and this money was less than twenty five percent of what I was receiving. This was my biggest job yet. I slowly drove towards my friend Seth’s house, where Will would of course be, since they were brothers. I passed house after house, and building after building searching for some green among all the black and brown, before finally seeing a few trees up ahead. Today, my job was to beat the hell out of two guys that were interfering with deals the gang was making. The two guys, Cliff and Dave were part of another gang that was equally dangerous but far smaller. They had just assembled a year ago, and were looking for new recruits. They were trying to persuade some of our guys into joining, and stealing most of our pot clients. Some of our guys joined since they offered them more money, but few of them survived since members of my gang killed them. But Seth, Will, and I were going to //set them straight.// I brought the gun with me just in case. Seth and Will were receiving money for this, but not nearly as much as I was. Cliff and Dave thought that we were just negotiating clients, and members. The gun pinched me as I shifted positions. I had arrived at the smaller, and even shabbier looking house that Seth and Will shared, along with their foster parents, two foster little sisters, and one foster little brother. There was no room to breathe in that house, and Seth and Will looked for any reason to leave it. They respected the gang, and thought they were lucky to be in it. That was the only thing that prevented us from getting close. I took another deep breathe, trying to compose myself. I honked twice, and Seth came outside with a toothbrush still in his mouth. It seemed like he forgot what was going on today, I wish I had. Remembrance flashed across his face, and he rushed back inside. Two minutes later, they both stumbled out the door, Will seem to be laughing at Seth who looked a little shaken. He rarely looked like that, even after the time he had gotten beat up so bad he almost died. Will was two years younger than Seth, and was much shorter than him. Seth was twenty. He was tall and skinny with dark brown hair and a pale face. He was the more serious of the two. Will, was six feet tall and burly. He had light blonde hair which he kept short and convenient, and an olive toned face. He was the funniest guy I knew. Seth was the more understanding one, well as understanding you can be when you’re in a gang. I was shorter than both of them at five foot eleven inches, and skinny which translated as faster than both of them for me. You had to be fast if you were me. Will was the strongest, and Seth was the smartest. Will was still cracking up when he got into the car. “Dude, you will not believe what just happened.” Will said between hysterics, and Seth punched him in the arm. Will barely felt it. I started the car, and drove towards the highway that leads to Cliff’s. Seth gave me the directions after I made the turn. “What happened?” I asked when Will’s laughter started to die down. But he just started laughing all over again. “Don’t listen to him Trae, he’s such tool.” Everyone called me by my middle name: Trae, besides my sister who insists on calling me Ben, so I only allow it with her. Even my mother calls me Trae, since it hurts her to utter her husband’s name. Yes, I was named after my father, don’t remind me. But it only sounds okay, and I don’t get completely angry when my sister says it. “Shut up man, at least I’m not scarred for life.” Will retorted, still laughing. “I don’t even know why I talk to you.” Seth answered in a haughty manner. But that only cheered Will on, and he gave Seth a hug, which made him throw Will to the other side of the car. “What happened?” I asked again, starting to smile. “Okay, so you realized how we forgot about today right?” Will asked, and I nodded. “So, Seth was brushing his teeth in the bathroom downstairs when you came, so he sprinted upstairs to wake me up, without spitting. After he got me up, he went to the upstairs bathroom to spit…” Will trailed off and got caught between his conversions of laughter. Seth groaned and put his head in his hands. “Shut up Will.” His muffled voice erupted, through clenched teeth. “So Seth opens the bathroom door, without knocking, and not expecting anything until he sees Martha and Albert…” he sounded crazy as his laughter reached its peak. Martha and Albert were their foster parents. “I’ve got to give it them though, they were really quiet, I was sleep right next door and I didn’t hear anything.” Will said, and Seth groaned loudly. “Your not innocent anymore big brother.” Will teased, which made Seth punch him again. Seth was very sensitive about his virginess, unlike Will who got girls into bed like there was no tomorrow. Seth believed in that whole wait for your soul mate crap. I wasn’t a virgin but still believed what Seth did. But once again, what’s the point? I laughed a little, at Will’s story, which disappointed him since he thought I would crack up like him. Very few things made me crack up. Seth stayed quiet. “That sucks man.” I tried to made Seth feel better. I saw him nod in my rear view mirror. “Trae, do you like my shirt. Bought it myself.” Will asked hopefully. I turned quickly to see Will’s shirt. It was blue and yellow tie dye, and had the word ‘Peace’ written across it in big, wavy, yellow letters, with the sign. I smiled again, and nodded. I knew he wanted a better response like uncontrollable laughter, and it was funny. Maybe he would have received one a different day, but not this one. “So, how’s Julia?” Seth asked. Seth cared about Julia just like I did, and made the effort to ask about her. “She’s fine, takes the insulin shot everyday and doesn’t even complain. The doctor says the diabetes is pretty stable, and she just has to do what she’s doing to remain healthy.” I said with pride that I felt for my strong sister. Both Will and Seth muttered a compliment about her. “Where is she now?” Seth asked, and I knew what he was thinking. She was where she always was on Sundays. “At home, with Carol.” I answered, humoring him. I saw Will nudge Seth playfully, and made kissing noises. “How is Carol anyways?” Will instigated. “She’s fine.” I replied, reluctantly. “Still in love with you huh, Trae?” Will jeered. My fists clenched over the steering wheel, and my skin stretched tightly over my bone white knuckles. I saw Seth look out the window. “No, she is not in love with me, just a little confused. Why do you have to be such a dick sometimes?” I growled, slightly annoyed. Will stopped talking, and looked offended. Will knew perfectly well, that Seth has been in love with Carol ever since he was seven, but the feeling wasn’t mutual. Carol liked bad guys, stupid guys, who had no future in any way. Guys like me. And even though Seth was in a gang and I had seen him beat up many guys, you could never fully think of him as bad, and he was certainly not stupid, but he doesn’t really have a future besides the gang. At least he met one of her qualifications. The rest of the drive was spent silently, and I thought about love. Would I ever find someone that I felt anything for, my soul mate? But I knew that even if I did, I would not deserve her, and I wouldn’t subject her to my poor, pathetic, and dangerous life. And I certainly did not want her to rely completely on me, only to one day get a phone call from the hospital telling her that I had been shot in a gang fight. Just like my mother had. But my thoughts shifted gear, as soon as I pulled up to the small beaten down ware house where Cliff and Dave asked us to meet them. I stopped the car, and the three of us sat there our breaths synchronized all thinking of the same thing. Were we all going to come out of this unhurt and uninjured? But I knew for a fact that some of us were not. I could practically hear their thoughts as they were trying to get their heads in the game, and I looked at them from the rearview mirror sadly, just like the mailbox. I cannot believe I was subjected to doing this, but Julia’s and my mother’s face entered my head and I was reminded again. I opened the car door with a rush, and startled both of them. “Let’s get this over with.” I snarled quietly, but I knew they heard. We walked up the dirt infested path, there were bricks lying everywhere, and I guessed this was a construction site for another building in this polluted town. “Whatever happens, we’re in this together.” Seth said, and Will muttered back in agreement. I pretended that I did not hear. They shuffled behind me, as I entered the warehouse and looked around. I had already come here before, when I agreed to the job. But, I pretended I looked confused and went the wrong way before I turned back around and went up the stairs. The place had cobwebs and broken beer bottles everywhere. There were dirty sheets covering things I didn’t want to know about, and the place had a thick, rusty smell to it. They followed behind blindly. Still pretending, I walked into a few wrong rooms before picking the second to last door, on the right. It was painted red, and I cringed away from the color. I had seen too much of it. Loud metal music was echoing out of the room. I recognized the song, and it made me sick to have something in common with the guys. I thumped on the door with my fist, and the door creaked, close to coming undone. “Come in.” a relatively calm voice sounded. I walked in followed by my two best friends. My sight immediately fell upon Dave who was counting a big wad of cash; all of them I was sure were thousand dollar notes. He looked at me, and I guess the strange expression on my face, made him turn around and put the money in the chest of drawers behind him. “Hey, I guess you three are Caleb’s boys.” Cliff welcomed, referring to our gang ‘leader’. He winked at me, and I clenched my jaw, and tightened my fist reflexively. Cliff had caught that, but still smiled. He had buzzed blonde hair, and was model tan. He had a strong, athletic body with a very instigative face. Just being around him for a few seconds could make you want to punch him. Dave on the other hand had long brown hair which he tied into a ponytail, and was quite plump. He had a scruffy beard and mustache with a joint between his pale lips. He looked friendly, but I still didn’t like him. They both wore t-shirts and blue jeans. Cliff reached towards the coffee table, and turned the music down with the tiny grey remote. I took in the essence of the room then, it was quite large with a dirty beige couch, and a puke green chair both of which surrounded the coffee table which held a small stack of papers. There were three black stools opposite the couch, and a big cherry wood chest of drawers behind the chair. Pictures of bikini clad girls were tacked on the south, north, and west walls and a mirror hung on the east wall. The room bore no windows which explained the revolting smell of marijuana mixed with whiskey, pizza, and sex. We remained silent, but I guess one of them behind me nodded. “Okay so have a seat, and let’s negotiate!” I held my response till everyone was settled. Dave took the couch immediately but polite Cliff waited for everyone else. My friends and I took the stools, me on the one closest to the drawers, and Seth and Will on the two next to me. Cliff settled into the chair, which made me closest to him. “There is nothing to negotiate.” I said trying to stop beating around the bush, I hated this. “Yeah, you’ve stolen our boys, and our clients, and we want them back.” Seth demanded in a cold, hard voice he hardly ever used. I wanted to laugh at that second. “We are willing to use force if needed.” Will warned. I bit my lip. “Is that a threat?” Dave spoke up in a fake baby voice. “Your damn right it is.” Will replied with a glint of intimidation in his eyes. “Lets not everybody get worked up so quickly. We have a lot more time for that.” Cliff ordered, directing it specifically towards me. His voice sounded as if he was sitting on a rainbow. They both looked stoned. “We don’t have time for anything; now let’s just look at the numbers.” I said following my script. Cliff leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he shuffled the papers. Everyone copied his position. The gun stabbed against me reminding me that it was still there. “Seven of your boys have joined us so far. Alex Rogers, Max Fuentes, Josh Fentin…” Cliff said four other names. “They’re all good, I’ve seen them work. So we’re not willing to give them up yet.” “The hell your not. You will give them back to us. They’re only good because we trained them.” Seth barked. “Hmm I don’t know, maybe if you beg, we’ll reconsider. What say huh? Are you guys willing to get on your hands and knees?” Dave teased. Why were they doing this? We weren’t really negotiating. Seth and Will both shot swore words at them so fast I barely understood. Cliff and I remained silent. “What about //our// clients? How many of them did you take since you couldn’t find any of your own?”Will hollered. “Hey now, don’t be like that. The clients came to us because we had a better product than you, for a better price. Don’t get mad because //you// can’t handle //you’re// business.” Cliff said hazily. Will pushed his stool back, hard, and it hit the wall behind him. Dave and Cliff stood, and so did Seth. Will got into Cliff’s face. “What the hell did you say!?!” Will yelled, fiercely. Cliff repeated himself, and caught Will’s fist before it collided with his face. He must have been strong, because Will cringed as Cliff pushed his hand down. “Okay how about you give us half our clients back, and we pay.” Seth said, surprising all of us. I looked at him in shock, and a vast array of hope. Cliff and Dave’s glare zeroed in on me, but they could see that I was as surprised at this as they were. Seth pulled out a rolled up stack of cash from his back pocket. He threw it at Dave who counted it quite quickly. “How much?” Cliff asked, a hint of emotion on his face. I concluded that he was very rarely taken by surprise. “Ten thousand.” Dave threw it on the coffee table, disappointed. Cliff threw his head back and laughed. “Nice try, man, but I’m getting ten times more from the clients. Actually I’m sorry, I lied. That was not a nice try, but a fairly inadequate one.” Cliff’s laughter died down. Seth was outraged, and surprisingly embarrassed. Will was starting to shake, the veins in his forehead begging to explode. Seth looked towards me for the sign. I hadn’t given it yet since I wasn’t quite ready. My sign permitted him to start throwing punches. Cliff was examining the three of us, like we would explode anything second. I realized that the time had come, like a plague. And I finally had to make the decision that I was debating in my head for weeks. Both options were scary, but the only good came from one of them. And that single choice would make me more horrible than I had ever been. I realized that it had to be done now, and fast, I moved my hand slowly towards my heart, and rested only my middle finger upon it. Both Seth and Will dove across the table towards their opponents. Will to Dave, and Seth to Cliff. Neither Seth nor Will managed to get a punch since the others were faster, quicker, and looking for the same thing they were. Dave gave Will a harsh blow in the stomach, and Cliff gave Seth a worse one to the head. Both my men collapsed on the floor like I knew they would. “Sorry boys. Too slow.” Dave teased, and I felt sick. “Come on Trae,” I heard Seth groqwl impatiently, as he tried to get up again. I stood up, but stayed nailed to the ground. Cliff and Dave both let them have their second chance. Will got up once again, but was hit in the nose like a punching bag. He went down. Seth on the other hand gave Cliff a brutal kick to the chin, and Cliff crumpled to the ground muttering curses fit for a sailor. Seth got on top of him and started punching him in the face. Before I could move, I saw Dave pull a get black pistol out and point it at Will’s head. “Stop right now, or I’ll kill this mother-“ Dave screamed, but was cut short as Seth got up without a thought in his mind besides to keep his baby brother safe. Cliff got up a few seconds after and kicked Seth the same way. His face was bloody, and he looked a bit disoriented. Unthinkingly I pulled out my gun, and pointed it at Dave. “Drop it.” I ordered, and Dave obeyed not scared at all. From the corner of my eye I saw Cliff smile. Will was staring at me, waiting… Could I do it? Could I kill? Should I save my best friends? Images flashed across my mind of my mother and sister laughing as they walked long a pathway in a park surrounded by rosebushes. The sky was blue and the air smelled clean, it was easy to breathe. My mother didn’t look over her shoulder every ten seconds, but watched Julia skip along the pathway, and run after her urging her to slow down but starting to skip after her herself. Their laughter echoed as the wall closed in on me, and I returned to reality. I was facing Will who had a broken bloody nose, with a gun pressed against his temple, and Seth who stood with his fists clenched staring at me waiting… And Cliff and Dave who looked amused at my fear, as if they knew I was having these thoughts. “Come on Trae. Just do it.” Seth encouraged me. I felt like I was going to cry, like I cried the night I found out my father was dead. “Yeah, come on Trae, just //do// it.” Cliff copied his words with a sarcastic coating. I loaded the gun, and my finger wrapped around the trigger. I pointed it towards Cliff and Seth first, and I tried to find the courage to do it, to count my fait down. //Ten,// I filled my head with the image of my father’s dead body when I had to indentify it. It was mangled beyond recognition, all there was left was his stupid gold watch. //Nine,// then I remembered the bruises all over my mother’s arms and back from when she was raped. I remembered the pathetic look in her eye when she tried to lie about it. //Eight, seven//, I remembered the time when I found my sister writhing on the floor with white spit flowing out of her mouth the time I forgot to give her the insulin shot. I pulled the trigger once, and a figure fell, and pointed it towards Dave and Will, and shot again. //Six,// it was pure anger, and hatred that brought me to do this. The fact that knowing that it couldn’t get any worse urged me to shoot the second time. I was in a state of unreality, where what I did had never happened and I pretended that it was only I and the two others in the room. One of them walked towards me and patted me on the back. I was beyond coherency to recognize which one. “Trae, you did it, I didn’t think you could. Sorry I doubted you man.” Cliff said as he walked towards me, and patted me on the back. “Dave, give it to him.” Cliff ordered, and Dave walked towards the chest of drawers, and pulled out the thick wad of cash he was counting before. “You made the right decision man.” Dave said, and patted me the same way. I felt like I was about to fall off the Earth. He handed me the cash, and I started to walk away. “Trae?” Cliff called me. I turned around. “Another job, tomorrow. Be here at eight tomorrow night, you’re one of us now.” I turned back and kept on walking. “Trae?” he called once more. I turned again. He took the ten thousand dollars Seth had presented, retied in a rubber band and threw it at me. I caught it in an instant. “Consider it a bonus.” Cliff said, he took the remote off the coffee table and turned the music up again. I closed the door and walked outside. I wasn’t aware of myself in anyway, it was as if I had burned out, and now I was just a walking corpse. I stumbled towards my car, unable to feel any emotion, and drove. When I stopped, I realized I was sitting in front of Seth and Will’s house. I was surprised when it didn’t hurt to think their names. I guess I was already beyond pain into a much darker place. I took the ten thousand dollars and placed it in their mailbox. //Five,// I got into the car and drove again towards my house. I took out the envelope that rested in my pocket, the deposit rested their along with my letter, and two plastic tickets. As I laid it on my lap, the sheet of notebook paper that was my letter fell out. I put the money I received into the white pocket which was as thick two bricks with the new addition. I put it on the passenger seat as I reached for the letter. I was going to be subjected to read this thing again. I pulled it to my eyes and scanned the page. // Dear mom, // // If you’re reading this, I’m probably gone already. I have killed Seth and Will, since I made a deal with another gang and received enough money that will finally help make you and Julia live safely and comfortably. I have enclosed plane tickets in here, and I want you to take Julia away as soon as possible and start a new life. Don’t be disappointed in me, I did exactly what my father would do, and did everything I could to protect my family. Don’t ever make the mistake of remembering me in anyway, for I’m not worth your thoughts. Tell Julia I love her and that I am sorry, and make sure you continue her health care the way I have been. // // I love you, // // Trae. // //Four, three,// I put the letter back in the envelope, sealed it, and put it in the mailbox. I looked at the house for the last time, and imagined Julia’s laugh in my head, I almost went back. I forced myself to get into the car, and drove and drove till a found a dead end. I got out and stood in front of my car where the sun beat down on my heartless body. And I remembered when my boss Caleb had assigned me the job to negotiate with Cliff and Dave. The same day Cliff had come to my house and offered me ten times more than Caleb had to kill off the two members I would come with, and join his gang. His goal was to get me, and make the gang weaker. At least he accomplished one of the two. Then I pulled out the still freezing gun, and pointed it towards my only real target, the only person I really wanted to kill. The tip of the pistol brushed against my forehead and I smiled. Some might call what I’m about to do, weak or cowardly, but I called it relief, and justice. Relief to the world to erase people like me from walking this lonely planet. And justice to Seth and Will’s parents, to their brothers and sisters. Justice to the dreams Will had of getting an education, or Seth’s dream of being with his soul mate. //Two.// Relief to Carol who wouldn’t have to have her heart broken by me any longer, or any other girls I would ever counter. Justice to my mother who could now escape with her good child and find happiness, who wouldn’t cringe every time she would look into my eyes and see my father, and feel that inability to hope that he had left her with. And both relief and justice for my sister who wouldn’t have to grow up with an awful excuse for a human like her brother. And justice for breaking the promise of always being there.

//One.//

I pulled the trigger, and my world went black, as I got pulled down into the Earth where I would burn forever. The decisions we make… The end. By: Verushka Bedi