Jen+Hayes+Memoir

(It needs a title and any ides on how to expand it would be amazing!!! Also please don't be afraid to go hard on it! I want to improve my writing)

“Its gonna be scary!” Kelly said to me with a horrified expression on her face. “Nooooooooo” I looked at her and ran to my mom, “Mooooooooom take me back I don’t want to go on this ride anymore its going be scary” “It’s not scary you’ll be fine” “Noooo mommy Kelly said its going to be scary, I don’t want to go on anymore” I whined “You’ve been on this ride before Jen it’s not scary” “No! I haven’t” I drop to my knees in away of protest. The line was getting closer and closer to that entrance way and I had no intention of going through those creepy doors. I feel a strong hand yank me back on my feet. “Get up and cut it out! You're embarrassing me” my dad whispered into my ear. //darn.// So I unwillingly walked on towards those creepy double doors trying not to focus on the horrors lurking inside.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Kelly didn’t help calm this fear. She always to this day enjoys scaring the crap out of me in any way possible. But this time I truly believe that she was just as scared of that’s stupid ride as I was. When someone thinks of the Haunted Mansion in Disney World most people think a pleasant and humorous ride. But in the eyes of seven year old it was the scariest place in the world. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

We continued our way down the line at a painfully slow pace. I tried to keep myself occupied by reading the tiny puns on the tombstones as we walked through the line. But the entrance was approaching us slowly and surly and there was still no ways of escape. //What if I just run out of the line. I can wait for everyone at the exit…wait no…what if everyone gets stuck in there!// //Ill// //never see my family again…// (For some reason when I was little I was always scared of getting locked in. If I did not see an exit I wouldn’t go in. I thought anyone who would go into those places got locked in forever and ever and no matter what anyone tried to do you could never get out.)

“I think were next!” Kelly said. She looked scared and I was too. “Please mom take me back I don’t want to go on pleaaaaaaaaase” I pleaded it was my last chance. “Will you calm down! I promise you’ll like it” I frowned at her. “The lines moving!” Kelly and I followed these two old ladies up to the front door. We were there. And there was no turning back now. The doors open for a final time as I looked and Kelly we slowly wandered in. The doors slowly shut behind us. We both turned around to take one final look outside before what i assumed would be my final sight of the outside. But our families weren't there We were the last ones to enter the building. Then I found them. They were still outside standing about four or five people from the door. They were outside and we were inside.

The door shuts. The lights go dim and a creepy voice comes out loud from the room. The painting in the center wall starts to move down. And in perfect unison we scream in fear. //That’s it! I’m dead I’m gonna die! I wanna get out of here!// I turn around and try to pull the door open. It won’t budge. //We’re locked in. I’m going to die! I don’t want to die!// Im about to break down in tears.

Just then this elderly lady walks over to the door and pushes it open. A stream of light greets me as me and Kelly dash back to our parents.

Who in the end never even noticed we were gone.

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Discussion: Choose whether you want the story in present or past tense. Watch your grammar and spelling =P. Expand on why you were so scared/Kelly's always being able to scare you (maybe you can bring up a past experience about how she was always able to scare you so easily. Maybe you can make the line "They were outside, and we were inside" on a separate line or bold/italicize or something to make it stand out (I recommend a new line for just that line). Nice story [but make it longer haha]!!